Is it just me or does dating in the 21st century suck? After a couple failed relationships I’m currently single and ready to mingle. But with that, I wanted to get some help and I know many of you probably do as well. That is why I reached out to my friend Carla Romo, a dating and relationship coach to ask her some questions. I also asked you guys on Instagram (follow me @esthercollins if you aren’t already) for your juicy dating questions for Carla to answer. So let’s get into it!
How do you know if someone is “the one”, especially if you are the type to question everything?
At the end of the day, it really depends on 2 things. 1. Your gut feeling. Even if you are not much of a spiritual person, if it feels intuitively off, then it probably is. If it feels right then it probably is. 2. You will know because they match what you want in a partner. This means sticking to your non-negotiables. If you find yourself making excuses for a characteristic that you find unacceptable then that’s a red flag. Lastly, questioning things is not a bad thing. Although, it is important to explore in depth why you are questioning it. I discuss a lot with my clients whether it’s fear that makes them question or a legitimate concern.
Is sex on the first date bad?
No. It is important to figure out what you feel comfortable with and then honor your boundaries around that. If you want to or you don’t want to have sex, follow it!
Everyone is flawed, but how do you know if you’re just seeing past their flaws or if you’re forcing it and just not compatible?
Are you painting the red flags green? What helps my clients is to write a very detailed list of their non-negotiables. Example: Must be financially stable, not have a history of cheating, etc. From there you can compare your list to this person’s flaws and see if you are justifying their behavior to fit around them.
Best ways to make long distance work?
Have a strong communication plan and end goal to be together. Communication is important and needs to be consistent. Discuss what each other’s expectations are around how you are going to communicate. Also, it is important to have a goal of when you plan to end the long distance. It’s ok if you don’t have an exact date but having an idea of how you will eventually be together is key.
Can your significant other have a best friend of the opposite sex without it getting awkward?
Yes, they can! Although it is important that you ask yourself why it feels awkward. If it’s because your partner is not respecting your boundaries then that is important. If you find it is your own insecurity then it creates an opportunity for you to grow within. Regardless, you should communicate any concerns with your partner and take ownership of your part in it.
I’m moving to a new city, what’s the best way to start dating and meet new guys?
Join fun coed groups or activities that interest you. It may feel a little uncomfortable but discomfort just means you’re growing. Don’t pass up an invite to your new friends birthday or dinner party. Putting yourself out there and meeting other like-minded people is a great way to get connected with new guys are date-worthy.
There you guys have it! I hope some of these questions help you in this dating game, because it sure is helping me! If you guys have any other questions for Carla and would like another post, leave your questions in the comments below or you can DM me!
Carla also puts on amazing events where she gives out her great dating and relationship advice, for more information check out her site https://iamcarlaromo.com/.