Dating Advice from Relationship Expert Carla Romo

dating advice

Is it just me or does dating in the 21st century suck? After a couple failed relationships I’m currently single and ready to mingle. But with that, I wanted to get some help and I know many of you probably do as well. That is why I reached out to my friend Carla Romo, a dating and relationship coach to ask her some questions. I also asked you guys on Instagram (follow me @esthercollins if you aren’t already) for your juicy dating questions for Carla to answer. So let’s get into it!

How do you know if someone is “the one”, especially if you are the type to question everything?
At the end of the day, it really depends on 2 things. 1. Your gut feeling. Even if you are not much of a spiritual person, if it feels intuitively off, then it probably is. If it feels right then it probably is. 2. You will know because they match what you want in a partner. This means sticking to your non-negotiables. If you find yourself making excuses for a characteristic that you find unacceptable then that’s a red flag. Lastly, questioning things is not a bad thing. Although, it is important to explore in depth why you are questioning it. I discuss a lot with my clients whether it’s fear that makes them question or a legitimate concern.
Is sex on the first date bad?
No. It is important to figure out what you feel comfortable with and then honor your boundaries around that. If you want to or you don’t want to have sex, follow it!
Everyone is flawed, but how do you know if you’re just seeing past their flaws or if you’re forcing it and just not compatible?
Are you painting the red flags green? What helps my clients is to write a very detailed list of their non-negotiables. Example: Must be financially stable, not have a history of cheating, etc. From there you can compare your list to this person’s flaws and see if you are justifying their behavior to fit around them.
Best ways to make long distance work?
Have a strong communication plan and end goal to be together. Communication is important and needs to be consistent. Discuss what each other’s expectations are around how you are going to communicate. Also, it is important to have a goal of when you plan to end the long distance. It’s ok if you don’t have an exact date but having an idea of how you will eventually be together is key.
Can your significant other have a best friend of the opposite sex without it getting awkward?
Yes, they can! Although it is important that you ask yourself why it feels awkward. If it’s because your partner is not respecting your boundaries then that is important. If you find it is your own insecurity then it creates an opportunity for you to grow within. Regardless, you should communicate any concerns with your partner and take ownership of your part in it.
I’m moving to a new city, what’s the best way to start dating and meet new guys?
Join fun coed groups or activities that interest you. It may feel a little uncomfortable but discomfort just means you’re growing. Don’t pass up an invite to your new friends birthday or dinner party. Putting yourself out there and meeting other like-minded people is a great way to get connected with new guys are date-worthy.
Carla Romo
There you guys have it! I hope some of these questions help you in this dating game, because it sure is helping me! If you guys have any other questions for Carla and would like another post, leave your questions in the comments below or you can DM me!
Carla also puts on amazing events where she gives out her great dating and relationship advice, for more information check out her site https://iamcarlaromo.com/.

6 Ways to Get Over a Breakup

breakup

Breakups suck. I’ve struggled back and forth about writing this blog post because I have never really shared too much about my personal life here on the blog. But I wanted to be open and honest with you guys, and especially now during the holidays. If anyone was going through the same thing I am I want to help.

A couple months ago, I went through a breakup. It came completely out of the blue and honestly left me in complete shock. I had only been dating the guy for a few months officially, but we had been seeing each other for the better part of 2017. Things in my head were getting serious, but for him it was all happening too fast. Unfortunately we weren’t on the same page on a lot of different things, not just the relationship.

When a breakup happens, your whole world gets shaken. It’s never something easy to deal with and honestly the whole “it just takes time” saying is kind of true. But while you’re waiting for that time to pass and for that day to come where you wake up and suddenly things just start to feel a little better, here are some tips that worked for me on how to get over a breakup.

1. Cry. Yes, you heard me…cry. You don’t have to be that person who appears to be tough and emotionless (unless that really is you, in which case more power to you). Crying is a natural response to sadness, and especially after a breakup, you’re going to feel sad. I spent the entire weekend after my breakup just sitting on the couch, or in my bed crying. I probably used up 3+ boxes of Kleenex but honestly, it helped.

2. Talk about it. I’m a huge proponent of talking about it. Whether it’s to your friends, family or to a therapist (for me it was all of the above), it really helps to vocalize how you are feeling. Take advantage of the people who are there for you during this tough time. Talk through what you’re feeling and what you are going through. I even had a friend who I didn’t know very well reach out to be during this time to take me out to dinner and just talk. Honestly it was one of the nicest things someone did for me at this time and it made me feel a lot better.

3. Exercise. Elle Woods once said, “Exercise gives you endorphines, endorphines make you happy”. This couldn’t be more true. When you exercise, your body releases endorphines. Endorphines are a chemical that signals to your brain to feel happy. So as much as it might feel like a pain to get up and go to that gym class, just do it. Because when you leave you’ll be feeling a lot better than when you walked in.

4. Lay off the alcohol. Now some people (mainly my guy friends) disagree with this rule. But for me, and many other people, alcohol can heighten whatever you’re feeling. So if you go into a night of heavy drinking feeling sad, chances are that emotion is just going to get worse. Take it from my own experience. I thought going out with my girlfriends a week after my breakup would be a great distraction for me, but I ended up leaving early and spending the entire night crying hysterically on my bedroom floor. It was not a pretty look and honestly I felt terrible afterwards. So if you’re like me, take it safe and just chill on the drinking.

5. Practice self-care and self-loveA lot of times when you’re in a relationship, you get so swept up in spending time with another person that you start to forget about yourself. I know for me, this definitely was the case. After my breakup I decided to focus on the things that really made me happy. I booked myself a facial, made plans with friends I hadn’t seen in a while and focused on things I enjoyed like working out or this blog. I also started to attend church more regularly. It helped to put my energy back into my faith and really allowed me to feel grounded during a tough time. Really take this time to focus on what makes you happy.

6. Realize it will all be okay. This is honestly the hardest part, but the most important. Everything happens for a reason. This wasn’t my first breakup, and probably won’t be my last. I was able to get over the last one and become a much better person from it and I have a feeling the same thing will happen again. But it’s hard. I get it. There are days where I honestly question why everything happened and if it really was the right decision. At the end of the day, there really is nothing else for you to do but move forward.

If you guys are going through a breakup right now just know that you are not alone. You will get through this and find an amazing person that will make you laugh at the days when you felt this sad. But also realize that what you are feeling is okay. Whatever emotion you are feeling right now whether it’s sad, angry, upset, confused, these are all valid feelings to have. Just know, that time really does heal all and eventually you to will get past this. Sending you all my love.